Long-distance for friends is kind of like relationships that decide to go long distance… they either fail spectacularly or flourish in the most beautiful way…
I`ve found out the hard way which people want to stick around and which don`t, that being said- I have no hard feelings because let’s be honest long distance sucks no matter what type of relationship we are talking about: friends, lovers, family, you name it. Fortunately, the awesome mofos who I wanted to stick around did and now I am even more confident and happy in those friendships than ever before. The best way I can describe it is the distance made us value who and what we really have – another lesson: never take anything you value for granted, cherish it for all the moments it has. Again, distance isn`t fun but then again it DOES make you so much happier and excited to see and hug the people after so long… I can say for a fact that I feel this way.
But let’s cut to the chase of what real and lasting friendships means and how it happens. I think I have said this before but hardships and sharing those hardships brings you so much closer with people – connecting with people through vulnerability is the quickest and fastest way to bring emotional closeness to a friendship level. Speaking from experience my three closest friends, Kelsey the stunning and down-to-earth oldest and dearest friend, Georgiy a kind-hearted man who is replica of me but with a science/math flare, Daniela a caring woman and loving friend with a spirit made of positivity and charisma – all know my story on an interactive level, and have been there for some of the hardest parts of my life, and me for them as well (at least I like to think so). And somehow we have built on that, I say somehow because that`s literally it- we connected by being there for each other, sharing our feelings and being stability in this ever-changing world. But the reason why we LASTED, and I mean Kesley is going on to 17 years of putting up with me (lol), the reason is because much like relationships – the “hanging out” or coffee dates or “checking ins” via phone calls or texts, we continue to COURT each other (which fun fact is a great way to keep a relationship alive) – I have also talked about love languages and how these are not only important in relationships but friendships too, becaussssssssse then you have the capacity to understand the way your friend shows the way they care- and if your lucky and it’s a good friendship then you have a lot of common love lanuages. Kelsey and me have very similar ones… for example we both enjoy gift giving – now-now wait I know what your thinking its not a BIG thing or anything- its small stuff, like when she picked me up to go to BARRE (super amazing fitness class- go check it out) sometimes she would bring me an ice coffee (without asking me – just a little surprise) or she would ask me (which of course if really nice too). Georgiy and I function the same way but also have absolutely no filter in telling the cold hard truth to each other regardless of IF it hurts (usually does- but hey someone’s gotta tell you am I right?). The big thing here is WHEN something is really well done and its confirmed by the other person then the verbal affirmation is a serious and honest treat. Daniela is the most accountable person with the most delightful presence which is why our quality time is so important. Time with her is the easiest and most comforting thing. She is one of the few people that I can spend more than four hours with – without losing my mind, which is a huge achievement.
Which brings me to now… where I am making new friends, lasting ones I hope, and I am realizing more and more how difficult it is for me to be consistent with people who I am friends with or people who are trying to be friends with me. The truth is I don’t know how to let a lot of people in – I can do a few people and I do that 2000000% in – but the in-between stage is a real pain for not just the other person but me too… which of course I feel terrible about. But I just love being on my own and doing my own thing and not having to see and talk to people- even if they are nice and trying to connect, at least right now I find it very difficult. I am honest and I am vulnerable with those friends but making that TIME, doing the COURT-ing has been so much more effort than it usually is with my usual crew… yes friendships take time and I think what I am trying to get at is: that you also have to make a choice when you are becoming friends with someone – does this person have a good amount of giving and taking in terms of character, behavior, values etc.? because:
“you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”
and if you decide to be friends with someone, at least for me its this way, I am the ‘ride or die’ type. Another topic is: do you have the time? Can you give the person what they deserve or can they give it to you? Are they worth it? Don’t apologize for this question, truly, because this is your life we are talking about, your precious time – and maybe that’s why I play defense so hard on this topic and in general with life because:
Time for me is really that – precious – and I want the time I do spend; the effort I do make to be completely WORTH IT.
And that’s where I`ll leave it off for today.
I wish I could say I`m a better person for being friends with more people and opening my heart in that way but I`m not. I`m stubborn and it takes time. I am sorry for it though, I know I come across cold to others because of it…
And for the friends I already have, the ones that are my ride or die, you guys rock, thank you for sticking around during my stubborn phase, thank you for being there for me, thank you for being my friend.