Okay so let`s clear up a few things right from the get-go. I am not a love doctor.This is all my opinion, with a healthy dose of intense observation and, of course, my own experience.
First and foremost: know thyself.
There`s a reason why mofos from geek philosophy said this because it is the key to everything. Knowing yourself gives you the opportunity to understand the relationships in your life. I`ve said this before but I will say it again, and then probably a hundred times more BUT the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life. NO joke. So if you have a good relationship with yourself you are setting yourself up for a good relationship with anyone that walks into your life. I`m not lying. Knowing yourself gives you the basics, if you don’t know yourself then you meet someone then it’s like trying to get to know yourself AND another human being, that way too much going on. AND that`s a lot of work if you ask me. I`d rather be confident in myself, know myself, and then be given the opportunity to know someone new. So MEET yourself first before you MEET someone else.
Second: know what you want.
If you are single af, and happy then cool, awesome, but this stuff still applies because knowing what you want in the other person actually teaches you a lot about yourself as well. So for you single people out there this is for you too, for the people in relationships, this is a good evaluation exercise. My best friend`s mom told my best friend to do this and a good two months later she found the man of her dreams. My best friend then told me to do it and I found my guy for life two months later too. And it’s not just us. But before I reveal this shit let me get something SUPER CLEAR, the only reason why it worked for us IS because at that point in time WE had built a VERY STRONG understanding and relationship with ourselves, which in turn lead us to understand what we want, what we need and what is GOOD for us. So if you have problems from your childhood and have trust issues, like me, then you need to put in the freaking WORK to not only be aware of your issues but also notice how they affect your relationship(s). Do what you need to do to know which qualities could ease these issues, but remember the issues are still yours at the end of the day. Know what you want.
Make a list of 10 things, yes only 10, that you want in your partner. Of course, try to make these ten things internal, important things like a good heart, manners whatever it is. This is a very tedious process because you need to go VERY deep within yourself, not be superficial or stay on the surface (like oh I need someone with blue eyes- sort of BS). This process is also only for people actually looking for something serious. In the end, these are your make it or break it points. If you meet someone and they have 8 out of your list, sorry that’s it. Nope, sorry, bye. I`m serious, you might be laughing or think I`m crazy or WAY too harsh but if you want your fairy-tale (or for men- your dream lady) then I mean it when I say if you believe that they are out there then they are and they will come into your life. YOU have to validate your needs first though, once validated the person who has them can be lead into your life. I had a friend once that put so much doubt in finding the ‘right guy’ for her that it was literally her own doubt that stood in the way of finding her guy. I told her straight up: YOU are the one making the choice already that he doesn’t exist by saying he doesn’t. Shortly after writing her list she met someone. True story. Now I don’t know enough details to know if they are going to last BUT I do know that check, check, check he had all 10. Write it and it will manifest. I could go on and on but this is the basis.
And lastly, the most IMPORTANT part out of all of this, the most important part about LOVE in general. Understand this:
The moment you decide to put your heart into their hands, you are essentially giving the person permission to break your heart at any point in time. The way to LIVE and enjoy this very precarious almost ‘interaction’-like moment in your life is to have UTTER trust in not the other person BUT in yourself- that you have the capacity to pick yourself up IF, and only IF, they break your heart.
When people say “oh he broke my heart, he is so terrible, I don’t know what I`m going to…” I can’t help but smile a little bit. Harsh, I know but PLEASE hear me out… love isn’t about wallowing in the pain that love can bring BUT instead enjoy the moments that it brings you joy. Of course, love is painful, and that’s why millions of people are consciously or unconsciously NOT falling in love or not seeing anyone or staying single out of fear. People forget that love begins with themselves and if they love themselves “enough” (whatever the hell that means) then they can have the self-assurance to love more, love on and on and on. Love is something you give freely, and at the time you gave your heart freely to him or her, it’s not really the other person’s job to NOT break your heart. It is YOUR job to be able to LIVE again after and find love AGAIN.
Please, for the LOVE of pizza (or anything you love unconditionally), please, please, PLEASE remember this.