Brené Brown taught me something very important today. She taught me that it’s okay to be your own squad. It`s been close to three months since I moved to Berlin, and to say I’ve found my people would be an understatement. I found people, yes I did, people who are lovely and supportive. My people? No. But I’m not at my wit’s end which is why I felt it was important to share something, this something being my feelings right now.
I started running last week and by running I mean, for the first time in my life I actually ran longer than 5 minutes without a break. I ran for 20 minutes. Kind of a new record for me, a surprising fact, if you know me since I’m all about the ‘fitness life’. Anyways while I was running I realized how much I loved it. How much I loved being alone, how much I didn’t mind the space I had, how much I genuinely enjoyed being in my own presence all the time. I always knew I was a lone wolf, type of person, it takes a lot for someone to get close to me. Doesn’t mean I don’t embrace the world and anyone that comes into my life with lots and lots of love, but I have always kept my distance. And as Brené explained in her personal story, she felt out of place or as she explained it ‘lack of belonging’, which at times I feel too, but since I was 16 years old I have taken myself on dates, ate out alone, and DEVOURED the experience. If that doesn’t scream independence I’m not sure what does. The problem is it’s been three months and I’m getting tired of asking myself if I want to go to things, kind of feel like I want to ask someone else. For example, earlier this week I went to the movies, LOVED it, enjoyed the experience but definitely wanted to talk about it to someone once it was over. So today as I was listening to Brené Brown bringing the absolute thunder with this concept of finding your belonging within yourself, something clicked, massively.
I knew before how important it was to feel at home with yourself, but to be your own squad (until or forever) the rest of your squad showed up is a pretty rad concept I am definitely wanting to get familiar with. It’s the perfect overlap of ‘I am an independent woman’ and ‘my squad is rolling up’. Brené gave me perspective and on this night I am feeling encouraged and empowered instead of down. I’ve got a job, the job to be the best version of myself and my squad will roll up when they roll up, till then I’ve got a job and I am beyond happy to complete it to my very best capacity.